


i wish you were my only addiction

by pinklemongay



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, jacksepticeye egos - Fandom, jse egos - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Pills, Shows Some of my Version?? I guess, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-24 13:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinklemongay/pseuds/pinklemongay
Summary: Addictions are the aid to his self-destruction.So is he lucky to have someone so...mysterious help him when he's in need or is he just pathetic?





	i wish you were my only addiction

Addictions were dangerous things, no matter how strong of a person you were, an addiction could ruin your life in one take.

And that's exactly what it did to Chase.

One sip of that whiskey and he knew he lost, he's always been on the weaker side of things, and so it wasn't a surprise to anyone that he fallen in this way. They didn't tolerate it, and they sure didn't attempt to help him, brushing him off like he was a speck on their shirt. Somewhere deep inside of his young heart, he knew that he wasn't loved back by many of the people around him.

But it still hurt.

His divorce probably harmed him the worst, maybe he would've lived on better if it had just been his wife leaving him, maybe he would've lived on better if he never had-

Selfish thoughts.

Of course he loved his kids, but them being distant from him had made him grow bitter, made him realize that if they were never born he would've never suffered such loneliness. 

Depression was a horrible thing.

There were so many days where he just woke up and stared at his alarm clock, watching the minutes tick by mercilessly. Then on others he would wake up from some terrible nightmare, sobbing violently while throwing himself in the corner that his bed was so perfectly lined against. Crying so loudly that sometimes, someone else in this cursed home would come to try and comfort him, but he would only whimper and cower away, leaving him and whoever was dumb enough to even try comforting him awkwardly awaiting an appropriate exit. Then he would stand up and leave his own room, wanting to leave the tense atmosphere behind and leaving the confused person in its wake. 

Time seemed to blur together into one big mush, and eventually he was just living life to make others' not distressed over his death. He had hoped that when he attempted to kill himself the first time that it would work, but it didn't. 

And it wouldn't. 

Dr. Schneeplestein, as his friend and doctor was named, was no longer the issue. Before, he couldn't kill himself because Schneep would just save him again, and he'd rather not go through the recovery process again. But now he was alive because Jack was in a coma, and who else was going to watch him? JJ? While the other ego did indeed still live here, he became a ghost among them, never even attempting to connect with Chase and never visiting Jack, only leaving the house frequently throughout the week and cooking himself dinner in the early evening. 

It was lonely. 

Jack never stirred, never gave any sign that he was listening, just laid there, the rise and fall of his chest being the only movement he mad throughout the day. Chase tried staying positive, really, he did, often talking about his day to Jack, purposely disincluding anything negative, like how he drinks at the end of each day to try and erase his sadness.

It never works.

He woke up this morning with a pounding headache, staring up at the ceiling and just hoping it'd pass. It was too early in the morning, around 4 a.m. at least.

He can't deny he had a temptation to swallow an entire bottle of sleeping pills, just to sleep....permantly. It was almost too tempting, and while he mentally told himself no, his body was picking itself up. He had the fleeting realization that his bare feet were cold against the hard-wooded floors, but at the same time he couldn't focus. Walking like he had sandbags tied to his wrists, he made his way to the kitchen. 

It surprised him to see the pill bottle in his hand. Had he blocked out the short walk to the kitchen? Perhaps. It wouldn't matter soon-

No.

He can't do this to Jack. That would be...selfish, and he'd rather be a coward than be selfish.

Despite him confirming with himself that he's not going to do it, he found himself opening up the bottle anyways, panicking as he poured a handful into his opened hand. His heavy limbs wouldn't stop, they just wouldn't stop, they wouldn't......

The pills were shoved into his mouth, all at once, and he gagged trying to swallow them. Some slipped down his throat, but his gag reflex prevented most of them.

He choked, gripping the counter and staring at the ground as his vision blurred with tears. Some of the little white circular pills fell out of his mouth as he coughed, although his hands flew up and clasped over his mouth to keep the rest in his mouth. Around the edges of his hands he saw green, but there was....was yellow there too.....

The green was obviously Anti, but who was the yellow?

Doesn't matter.

While yes, Anti had given him a little push to doing this, deep down he knew that he had wanted to do this all along, that the thought was his own, that him getting the pills was his own movement, Anti was forcing him to swallow them. But he wanted this....he.......

No one's going to care. No one will. They'll just move on, it won't keep anyone awake at night like how Henrik's and Jackie's running away and Jack being in coma kept him awake. No, he's not that important. 

Chase relaxed a little, leaning back against the counter as he slowly began to allow the pills down his throat, feeling his stomach churn with pain as they entered his empty stomach. The headache ranged on as nothing but something in the background.

He didn't realize that JJ had entered the kitchen until slender fingers grasped his cheeks and forced him to spit whatever was in his mouth out. He spat, sputtering and trying to pull away, finally becoming attached to reality once more and crying out as the pain ignited his nerves. One hand grabbed his jaw and forced him to keep his mouth opened as fingers entered, sharp nails pressing against the back of his throat and pushing down his throat, hooking them against the warm muscles. His vision swarmed as he gagged violently, pulling away and throwing his head over the sink, vomiting up pills and stomach acid.

Even after he was done, Chase stayed where he was, mouth still opened as spit drooled out of it, puke chunks entwined with the clear slimy liquid. White pills coated in saliva lay in the sink, and all he could was stare at it.

All he could do was stare.

A few minutes of silence made him realize everything that was happening, made him realize who had save him.

And yet, all he could feel was bitterness and anger.

It hit him like waves, tears sliding down his cheeks as the bitterness settled in for the entire ride. First, he felt empty, nothing besides bitterness, then tiredness creeped in along with stress. Sadness came haunting him in the back of his mind as all these emotions attacked him at once, and then,

Then anger.

"Why?! Why did you do that?" Chase begged for an answer to a question he wasn't sure about, whirling around and ignoring the nausea he felt from it as he faced JJ. His hair was a mess, the front of his shirt was disgustingly covered in saliva and whatever else he puked up.

JJ looked shocked for a second, and Chase wasn't sure if it was because of his second attempt or because JJ had just saved him and yet he was angry. Either way, he kept his composure and simply grabbed Chase by his wrist, leading him to the bathroom despite his struggling.

For such a....fragile looking person, JJ sure did have a tight grip.

It made Chase realize, not for the first time, that he barely knew anything about JJ- he barely knew anything about everyone who had lived in this cursed house! Names were thrown around, and yet he could only connect them with key words. Marvin, magician, missing; Henrik, doctor, ran away like a fucking coward; Jackie, hero, underdeveloped. Simple phrases. For JJ, is was just mute and mysterious, magical in a way that goes beyond his powers. 

JJ forced him into the bathroom and locked the door, flicking on the light and making his way to the bathtub. He began to run water, making sure it was warm before plugging it in so it could fill. Chase stared at him with exhausted eyes- feeling things was a chore, it was truly draining.   
"You're not expecting me to...?"  
JJ simply nodded, knowing that Chase was in no condition to try to read his lips or understand sign language.

The emotional wreck grimaced, although he decided not to fight, stripping and uncomfortably standing, half praying that JJ doesn't look at him. He's- he's gross! Disgusting- that's what Stacy said, anyways, and he believed her.

But when the mute turned around and eyed him, his black eyes softened and his composure became less tense. He mouthed; 'You're beautiful' before turning his attention back to the water and shutting it off. Chase blinked, surprised, and a blush crept into his cheeks. Lies. They had to be lies. 

JJ gestured for Chase to get into the water, and so he did, awkwardly side-stepping the older man and slipping into the warm water, shuddering slightly in pleasure when it began to warm up his cold skin. He looked at JJ, who was standing there, just staring at him with something he couldn't quite recongize, expecting the mute to turn and leave.

But he didn't. 

JJ turned his back to Chase and stepped closer to the door, beginning to strip of his own clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on the sink counter, unlike Chase who just tossed his on the ground. Chase stared, mouth agape, trying to process what was happening. Then JJ turned around and slowly slipped into the water. 

They sat there, two grown men in a bath that was a tad too small for the both of them. 

Slender arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close, causing him to gasp as he was forced onto JJ's lap in the water. He was expecting for it to be...sexual,,but it was just soft, intimate on a level he's never experienced. 

So he laid there, at 4 a.m., his head on JJ's chest in a warm bath, relaxing while trying to stop all these horrid thoughts.

And for once, he was succeeding.

**Author's Note:**

> oOof kinda old but I still adore it!!!!


End file.
